Ask Dr. Wil: Real Life. Real Feelings. Real Guidance.

By Dr. Wil Rodriguez

Top Team Magazine – Weekly Advice Column

Dear Top Team community,

Thank you for trusting me with the most delicate parts of your lives—your emotions, your questions, and those quiet moments that deserve to be heard. Here are three voices that arrived this week, and my responses—for them… and maybe for you, too.

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🎯 QUESTION #1 – Setting realistic expectations & their role in happiness

“Seeking Balance” writes:

“How can I set realistic expectations for my relationship, and what role do they play in our happiness?”

Dear Seeking Balance,

Expectations are like the frame of a house: invisible at a glance, essential in a storm. If they’re undefined or unrealistic, everything creaks; if they’re clear and compassionate, the home feels safe.

Try this:

• Name the category. Expectations usually cluster around: time & attention, communication, intimacy, money, roles/chores, loyalty, conflict, family, growth. Pick one and be specific.

• Turn assumptions into agreements. Replace “you should know” with “Can we agree to…?” Agreements create shared reality; assumptions create silent tests.

• Right-size the ask. Aim for the Minimum Viable Expectation (MVE)—the smallest consistent behavior that meaningfully improves well-being.

• Make it measurable. “Check in daily after work,” not “Be more present.”

• Review and revise. Healthy expectations evolve. Quarterly check-ins keep the frame strong.

Happiness isn’t a prize at the end; it’s the byproduct of aligned, lived expectations—small, dependable practices that make love feel trustworthy.

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🧩 QUESTION #2 – When expectations aren’t being met

“Not Feeling Seen” writes:

“What should I do if my expectations in the relationship are not being met?”

Dear Not Feeling Seen,

Unmet expectations are crossroads: repair, recalibrate, or release. Walk it step by step.

1. Clarity audit. Did I state it, or did I hope they’d guess it? If it wasn’t explicit, start there.

2. Capacity check. Is my partner able and willing to meet this? Not meeting ≠ not loving; sometimes it’s a skill gap or bandwidth issue.

3. Reasonableness test. Is the expectation proportionate (fits our season of life) and reciprocal (would I give what I’m asking)?

4. Request vs. demand. Use requests (“Would you be willing…?”) plus why it matters (“…because it helps me feel connected”).

5. Renegotiate, then pilot. Try a 2–4 week experiment with a clear behavior and a check-in date.

6. Discern patterns. One miss is human; chronic misalignment is a message.

7. Choose with integrity. If core needs remain unmet after sincere effort, you may need to recalibrate expectations—or reconsider the relationship. Love thrives on truth, not pretense.

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🗣️ QUESTION #3 – Communicating expectations without sounding demanding

“Careful Communicator” writes:

“How do I communicate my expectations to my partner without sounding demanding?”

Dear Careful Communicator,

The difference between demand and invitation is tone, timing, and structure.

• Use the CARE formula:

  
  

  Context: “I’ve been feeling distant after long days.”

  
  

  Ask: “Would you be willing to do a 10-minute check-in at 8pm?”

  
  

  Reason: “Because hearing you grounds me.”

  
  

  Exchange: “What would help you feel cared for this week?”

• Collaborative language. “Could we try…” “What would make this doable for you?”

• Right time, right body. No heavy talks when hungry, late, or triggered. Sit side-by-side, not toe-to-toe.

• Specific > vague. Behavior, frequency, duration, and “what it looks like.”

• Two-way street. Pair every expectation you share with a question: “What’s one expectation you have of me?”

• Confirm and close. “So we’re trying the 8pm check-in for two weeks and touching base on the 30th—did I get that right?”

Expectations land softly when they carry respect, flexibility, and an offer to meet halfway.

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🧭 Column Closing

Dear Top Team readers,

Expectations aren’t cages; they’re bridges—best built together, refreshed with time, and strong enough to carry both love and reality. When we articulate them with clarity and kindness, happiness stops being a guessing game and becomes a shared practice.

📩 Want to send your own question to Dr. Wil?

Email confidentially to: advice@topteammagazine.com (actual inbox can be updated by your team)

Subject line: “Ask Dr. Wil”

The question you’re holding might be the comfort someone else is waiting to find.