💬 Ask Dr. Wil: Real Life. Real Feelings. Real Guidance.

By Dr. Wil Rodríguez

Tocsin Magazine – Weekly Advice Column

Dear TOCSIN community,

Thank you for coming back to this space of honesty and reflection. This week, our theme is “Seeking Closure.”

Three letters arrived from three different hearts—one standing on the edge of a relationship, one walking through the ashes of a breakup, and one trying to quiet the echoes of the past.

Here are their voices, and my responses—for them, and maybe for you too.

💔 QUESTION #1 – When you don’t know whether to stay or let go

“At the Crossroads” writes:

“We’ve been together for years. We’ve had good times, bad times, promises, and disappointments. I keep asking myself—do we still have something real to fight for, or am I just afraid to let go?”

Dear At the Crossroads,

Your question is one of the hardest, and one of the most sacred. Because it’s not just about love—it’s about truth.

Here’s what I’ve learned: love can survive many things, but it cannot survive the absence of growth, respect, or mutual effort.

Ask yourself these three questions:

1. Is the love still alive, or just the memory of it?

   
   

   Sometimes what we miss isn’t the person—it’s who we were when things felt easier.

2. Do both hearts still show up?

   
   

   A relationship can only heal when both people are equally willing to repair. One person can’t carry a partnership alone.

3. Am I staying out of love, or out of fear?

   
   

   Fear of starting over is not the same as hope for transformation. Be honest with which one is speaking louder.

If both of you still bring effort, empathy, and honesty to the table, there’s room to rebuild. But if what remains is mostly exhaustion, silence, or pain—it may be time to let go, not in anger, but in peace.

Letting go isn’t quitting. It’s finally choosing yourself with the same intensity you once chose “us.”

🌿 QUESTION #2 – After the breakup: finding real closure

“Unfinished Chapter” writes:

“It’s been months since my breakup, but I still feel stuck. I can’t stop thinking about it, replaying the what-ifs. How do I finally get closure and move on in a healthy way?”

Dear Unfinished Chapter,

Closure is not something your ex can give you—it’s something you create with time, honesty, and intention.

You don’t close a chapter by slamming the book. You close it by understanding what it taught you.

Here’s a way forward:

1. Name the truth.

   
   

   Write down what really happened—no excuses, no edits. You can’t heal what you keep idealizing.

2. Allow the silence.

   
   

   Stop seeking the “perfect conversation” that fixes it all. Most closure doesn’t come through words—it comes through acceptance.

3. Release through ritual.

   
   

   Write a letter to your ex. Say everything you never said. Then burn it, tear it, or release it safely. Rituals give form to emotions that words alone can’t hold.

4. Rebuild your rhythm.

   
   

   Change small things: new morning routines, new spaces, new soundtracks. The body needs to experience “different” to believe that healing is possible.

Closure isn’t the moment you stop caring—it’s the moment you stop needing the story to change.

You don’t have to “move on.” You only have to move forward.

💫 QUESTION #3 – When the past still lives in your mind

“Still Remembering” writes:

“It’s been over a year since my last relationship ended, but I still find myself thinking about it—sometimes every day. I’m not in love anymore, but I can’t seem to stop remembering. How do I process my feelings without dwelling on them?”

Dear Still Remembering,

Memory is the heart’s way of asking for closure that words never gave it. You’re not failing by remembering—you’re still translating what that chapter meant.

But there’s a difference between processing and replaying.

Here’s how to begin to release without erasing:

1. When the memory comes, don’t fight it—rename it.

   
   

   Say, “This is a memory, not a message.” Acknowledge it, breathe, let it pass.

2. Find the emotion beneath it.

   
   

   Are you longing for the person, or for the feeling of being loved? Often, we chase nostalgia, not reality.

3. Transform memory into meaning.

   
   

   Instead of asking “Why do I still think about them?” ask “What did that love teach me?” Once you extract the lesson, the past loosens its hold.

4. Re-anchor in the present.

   
   

   Fill your life with new experiences, new connections, new joy. The present must become louder than the past for peace to settle in.

You’ll know you’re healing when you can remember without reopening. That’s not forgetting—it’s freedom.

🧭 COLUMN CLOSING

Dear TOCSIN readers,

Closure isn’t about endings—it’s about evolution. Every love, every loss, every silence shapes the landscape of who we’re becoming.

Whether you’re deciding to stay, learning to let go, or making peace with memory, remember this:

The end of a relationship is never the end of your story. It’s the beginning of your becoming.

📩 Want to send your own question to Dr. Wil?

Email confidentially to: advice@tocsinmagazine.com

Subject line: “Ask Dr. Wil”

The question you’re holding might be the comfort someone else is waiting to find.