Ask Dr. Wil: Finding Yourself in Someone Else’s Story

By Dr. Wil Rodriguez

Tocsin Magazine – Weekly Advice Column

Dear TOCSIN community,

Thank you for trusting me with the most delicate parts of your lives—your emotions, your questions, and those quiet moments that deserve to be heard. Here are three voices that arrived this week, and my responses—for them… and maybe for you, too.

💔 QUESTION #1 – When your partner’s success stirs your insecurity

Tom S. writes:

“My partner has recently landed a high-paying job… I feel less like a man… I want to support her, but I’m struggling with my own insecurities.”

Dear Tom,

Your letter moved me deeply because you are not alone. Many men have been raised with a narrative that defines them as “providers” rather than whole human beings. What you’re experiencing isn’t weakness—it’s awareness. You’re recognizing the tension between your personal values and the social expectations you were taught.

But here’s a powerful truth: your worth does not lie in how much you earn, but in how deeply you love.

True masculinity isn’t found in a paycheck—it’s found in presence, care, tenderness, and the emotional courage to be vulnerable without running.

Here’s how you might start:

Talk to your partner openly and without shame. Tell her you’re proud of her, and also share that you’re working through some emotions. That’s not insecurity—that’s emotional maturity.

Redefine what it means to “provide.” Are you offering peace, support, emotional stability, wisdom, humor, or a sense of home? That’s abundance too.

Rewrite your inner narrative. The idea that “a man is only valuable if he earns more” is outdated—and it’s robbing you of joy.

Tom, love that grows from equity and mutual admiration thrives. You’re not losing value—you’re stepping into a more complete version of who you are.

🌈 QUESTION #2 – When your partner’s bisexuality awakens your insecurity

“Just Me” writes:

“I care deeply for my boyfriend who is bisexual… but I feel jealous and worried that I’m not enough.”

Dear Just Me,

Thank you for your honesty—it’s the doorway to every meaningful transformation. The insecurity you’re feeling doesn’t come from his identity, but from a belief we’ve all inherited at some point: that someone else’s complexity puts our worth in question. But love doesn’t work that way.

Your partner is bisexual, and that isn’t a threat to you—it’s part of his full, beautiful self. Loving him includes loving that truth.

Here are some steps you can take:

Talk to him from a place of vulnerability, not fear. Share what you’re feeling—not so he can fix it, but so he can understand and walk through it with you.

Disarm the false comparison. That he loved others before—men or women—doesn’t mean you are “less.” He is with you because you are you.

Ask for what you need without judgment. Maybe that’s reassurance, presence, or deeper conversations about what security looks like for you.

Love is a bridge, not a test. Security doesn’t come from erasing the other—it comes from integrating them and saying: “Here I am, even when I’m afraid. And still, I choose you.”

💔 QUESTION #3 – When your best friend dates your ex and the past resurfaces

“Feeling Overwhelmed” writes:

“My best friend is dating my ex… I feel jealousy and betrayal, even though I’m married and moved on.”

Dear friend,

The first thing I want to say is this: what you feel is valid.

You can be happily married and still feel that unexpected sting. The heart has memory, and sometimes the past knocks at the door when we least expect it.

The confusion you’re feeling comes from two different places:

The emotional residue of a past love.

The shock of perceived betrayal from someone you trusted.

Here’s what I suggest:

Pause before reacting. You don’t have to respond from the whirlwind. Listen to yourself first.

Talk to your friend—if you feel she can truly hear you. Not to accuse, but to share your feelings: “This surprised me. I didn’t expect it. I’m processing emotions I didn’t know were still there.”

Do some internal reflection. Maybe this isn’t about the ex himself, but what he represented: an unfinished chapter? An unhealed wound? A friendship you thought was sacred?

Your marriage isn’t threatened by what you’re feeling. But your emotional wellbeing deserves a gentle review of what still needs healing. Don’t suppress—reflect. Don’t attack—communicate.

🧭 Column Closing

Dear TOCSIN readers,

This column isn’t about giving perfect answers. It’s about walking with you as you search for your own.

We all have questions we don’t yet know how to ask. If you’re carrying one, share it with me.

📩 Want to send your own question to Dr. Wil?

Email confidentially to: advice@tocsinmagazine.com

Subject line: “Ask Dr. Wil”

The question you’re holding might be the comfort someone else is waiting to find.